Motherhood is full of big dreams, messy realities, and everything in between. Maybe you’ve thought about starting a business, going back to school, or even taking that long-awaited trip but perfectionism sneaks in and keeps you stuck.
In this episode of Dream to Done, I sat down with my friend Bonnie Christensen, a life coach who helps women break free from perfectionism, to talk about how perfectionism shows up in sneaky ways, why it holds us back, and what we can do to move forward with more awareness and grace.
What Does Perfectionism Really Look Like?
When we think about perfectionism, we often imagine the “perfect mom,” “perfect schedule,” or “perfect life.” But as Bonnie explains, perfectionism isn’t always obvious. It shows up in four different ways:
- Perfect Perfectionist – the one who wants everything just right.
- Pushing Perfectionism – constantly striving and hustling to meet impossible standards.
- Balanced Girl – trying to juggle everything but still slipping into “shoulds.”
- Go-With-the-Flow Girly – appearing laid back but sometimes avoiding goals to dodge failure.
Perfectionism, Bonnie says, is more like a spectrum than a single personality type. And often, we’re surprised to realize just how much it seeps into different areas of our lives.
👉 Curious where you land? Take Bonnie’s Four Types of Perfectionism Quiz.
The Sneaky Ways Perfectionism Shows Up
The tricky thing about perfectionism is that it rarely comes labeled as “I need to be perfect.” Instead, it disguises itself.
- Comparison. Maybe you have someone in your head who seems to “do it all.” You compare your messy reality to her highlight reel. For Bonnie, that person was Michelle Obama. For me, it was a friend who seemed to effortlessly wake up early, run her home perfectly, and have picture-perfect kids until I saw them fighting in the front yard and realized, oh wait, they’re human, too.
- Negative self-talk. We all have off days, but instead of giving ourselves grace, perfectionism tells us we failed.
- Unrealistic expectations. How many times have we said, “If I just… lose the weight, wake up earlier, get organized… then I’ll feel better”? As Bonnie shared, those “fixes” don’t magically make everything balanced.
And then there’s what she calls “undercover perfectionism.” It hides behind labels like “balanced,” “intentional,” or “healthy.” They sound realistic—but often they’re just perfectionism in disguise.
Step Zero: Awareness
So how do we move past perfectionism?
According to Bonnie, the very first step isn’t to change everything overnight—it’s simply to notice. She calls it Step Zero: Awareness.
- Notice when you’re comparing yourself to others.
- Notice how you talk to yourself when you get off track.
- Notice when you’re moving the goalpost instead of celebrating progress.
Awareness is 80% of the battle. Once you start seeing the patterns, you can begin to shift your self-talk and actions in a more compassionate, realistic way.
The Power of Vision Boards and Realistic Goals
During our conversation, Bonnie shared her experience creating a vision board with me. For months she had put it off because it felt overwhelming and, ironically, perfectionistic, she wanted it to be “just right.”
But together, we set three clear, tangible goals and three mindset shifts. The result? She not only hit her goals but tripled them in the first month.
The real breakthrough wasn’t just the results, though. It was noticing the temptation to keep raising the bar higher instead of pausing to celebrate progress. That’s undercover perfectionism at work again.
Having goals written down gave her something concrete to measure against and the permission to celebrate the wins instead of endlessly chasing “better.”
👉 Want to try this for yourself? Book a free call and we can chat more about how to create your own vision board.
Practical Takeaways to Overcome Perfectionism
Here are some simple, actionable steps you can start with today:
- Get aware. Do a quick body scan or brain dump to check in with yourself. (Grab my free Unpack Your Bag Worksheet to help you get started.)
- Call out comparison. When you catch yourself idealizing someone, remind yourself you’re only seeing part of the story.
- Celebrate progress. Instead of raising the bar every time you reach a goal, pause and celebrate your wins.
- Set small, realistic goals. Pair a few tangible goals with mindset shifts so you’re not only doing more—you’re also growing internally.
- Catch undercover perfectionism. Notice when “balance,” “intentional,” or “healthy” are really code for “perfect.”
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism doesn’t have to keep you stuck. The moment you become aware of it, you can begin shifting your mindset, showing yourself grace, and moving toward your goals in a way that feels doable and joyful—not heavy and exhausting.
As Bonnie reminded us, the first step isn’t perfection. It’s awareness. And from there, everything else becomes possible.
Ready to see where perfectionism is showing up in your life? Take Bonnie’s free Four Types of Perfectionism Quiz.
Want support for setting goals that stick? Book a Vision Board Session and let’s get your dreams out of your head and into reality.
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